OOOMMMGGG I know, I suck for the tremendous neglect. I can't promise to be active again, but I'll still be around commenting, replying and occasionally (hopefully) uploading new artwork. If not, shoot me.

I'm sick of my gallery! Everytime I look at it, I wish it was anything but mine.
"Is that your dA gallery?" "NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!! *hyperventilates and runs in circles*" FO REALZ. I feel like moving everything to scraps DX but there are some artworks I think look alright by itself... it's just that my gallery as a whole is... a total, utter mess! I have no style!!!! It's all over the place and everything I did seemed to be a fluke rather than a project I spent a professional amount of time on (not that any of my shit is professional haha I wish.) But that's what I want to aim for from now on. I want to look at my art/designs and be proud of it in 5, 10, 20 years time!

I haven't been inspired in a looong time. In fact I went through a typical 1/4 life crisis when you find yourself not knowing wtf to do with your life; you don't know whether you feel it's too late to complete things you never finished or whether you're still young enough to do what you want, but you don't know what you want, you feel like you don't know anything at all and you just slide into this dump of negativity. If you're currently experiencing any of that, honey, you are not alone. I talked to close, positive friends and it helped. I also finally got a job as a Junior Graphic Designer for a small printing place. That definitely helped. My contract, sadly, is only for 3 months though so don't be surprised if I slide back into depressed mode next year lol.

I got the job out of pure luck. My aunty who works in IT (I think) had a client who was a director of a print/graphic business and was looking for a graphic designer with experience. My aunt recommended me (even though she's never seen my folio, but hey, anyone you know = networking!) despite having 0.0% experience. Somehow though, she managed to convince him to put me on trial. After a bit of hesitation (because I wasn't sure whether I still wanted to do Graphic Design), I gave it a go, and to my complete surprise, I got the job! But I can't really celebrate 'cos it's only for 3 months. I'm still not really "set" with my career and thus, my life. But I'm happy. Well, I'm OK. I'm alright now. For now. Haha. It's daunting to be in a situation where you honestly don't see a clear future. You want to prepare yourself for anything... not only mentally, but emotionally. You don't want to be confident only to lose grasp of it after a small rejection. I'm highly sensitive to that, so I know that's my weakness. I'm trying to be stronger though, but stay humble. I don't want my pride to take over again. I don't want to be a doormat anymore, yet I don't want to step on anyone either. It's all about balance, isn't it?

Anyway woooooooooo I totally rambled deep there when this was purely supposed to be a short update LOL my bad. And ahhh man I need to go to sleep anyway. I live so damn far from work that a lot of my time is spent travelling. Soon as I get home, I eat while I browse on the net for an hour if I'm not too tired and my siblings aren't hogging my laptop seeing as it's the only computer that works -_- so I go on for about an hour on cave-man dialup and all the things I get done is equivalent to probably 10 mins of your broadband lives! T___T Plus all my money goes to transport and food. I wanna start investing in good illustration books though - for inspiration. I also want to travel to Italy or something. But for now, I just gotta focus on waking up early to get to work on time (AKA 15 mins late as usual. Luckily my boss doesn't mind that much) It's a 9:45 - 6 Mon - Fri life for me now. My old boss also wants me to work a few hours during weekends (at the fashion boutique) though. I'm a bit hesitant cos retail sucks and I honestly don't want to work more than 4hrs on a weekend. Weekends, I've reserved, are for my friends and I to hang out and catch up (I have too many friends from different "groups", each with different lives so it's not like I see the same people each time). But 4 hours is OK lol I'll just think of it as extra cash. You know, I'm more typing this out as notes to self than actual blog content for others to read LOL I'm not even going to bother to reread this before I hit send. I apologise if something or anything doesn't make sense. I'm hungry and sleepy.

~hellangel I'll be sending your package soon I SWEAR!!!
Oh yeah, my new dA webcam pic: the Gin plush toy = from Teacup *points to aforementioned dArtist* = THE BEST!
And the phone mini Gin figurine = from Judith =
I got them a while back in 2006 and 2007??? I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE @_@ I'm lost with time.

Dammit, I miss you all. WHAT HAVE YOU ALL BEEN DOING!!!!!!? 8D Don't worry, I'll catch up with all your journals and deviations soon haha